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The support group no one wants to join

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An estimated one in four women will have a miscarriage, and yet far fewer speak up about it.

The Junction’s Remy Ellicott is one woman trying to change that by sharing her story to break the stigma surrounding pregnancy and infant loss.

She and her partner Jack lost their first child when Remy was eight weeks’ pregnant.

It took almost four painstaking weeks for Remy to pass the feotus naturally.

She and Jack were sent home from the hospital with nothing more than a medical certificate to warrant Remy a few days off work.

“I realised how little support was being offered to parents,” Remy said.
“To the hospital staff, this was a regular procedure; to us, we were being sent home with nothing, not even a brochure of where we might turn to for support and information.”

When Remy shared their story, she discovered many of her close friends and family had been through the same agony.

“My grandmother told me she’d had three miscarriages in between her three boys, and she said to me, “This is the first time I’ve spoken about it in 30 years”,” Remy said.
“But once you put it out there, people are so willing to talk about it.”

Hence, Baby in Time was born.

Searching for support, Remy realised she could be the one leading the charge.

Baby in Time would be a safe space for women, and their partners, to share their stories of love and loss.

It was inspired by American psychologist Jessica Zucker who started the #ihadamiscarriage movement in the USA, encouraging people to open up about their grief, and told Remy personally she had the power to start something similar in Australia.

Baby in Time’s online presence took off, particularly on Instagram, with droves of (mostly) women writing to Remy, whose stories will be shared on the website [babyintime.com.au] in the coming weeks.

There is also a Facebook group and the offer of face-to-face support, with Remy partnering with Sands Australia to provide counselling services.

“I really want to get in front of midwives and nurses, too, to ask if they would be happy to refer parents [to Baby in Time and other support mechanisms] through a brochure,” Remy added.

For another aspect of the project, Remy has joined forces with local businesses to offer tangible products to honour each child lost, such as the bean necklace, designed by Kate and Kole.

Personally, Remy said uplifting stories had inspired her and Jack to try for their rainbow baby.

“It’s become a place of hope, and that’s really all I could ask for,” she said.

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